Hello my lovelies, I’m so sorry I’ve been absent for so
long, life has been a little crazy and full of things so I haven’t really had
the chance to write to you. God the last week has been a mind fuck to my
feelings and emotions, it’s crazy.
Now where to begin….
Well first off I had my pride and self esteem completely and
utterly crushed by someone I love. Jimmy has had a really shitty month due to
his license being suspended and has been seriously moody lately. It has taken
quite a toll on me both physically and mentally, not that I can ever really
tell him that. I feel like I’m walking on a field of land mines, and I don’t
know when or what will set them off next.
So Jimmy does this thing where he takes a “mental recharge
day”. So basically, when he’s too lazy to get out of bed or just not feeling
school he will just stay and sleep in bed all day. I seriously wish this were a
thing I could do. Of course, then I’d just never go to school, and either
everyone would think I was dead, or they wouldn’t notice me being gone.
Anyways, on one of these days I decided to come and see him
after school to y’know, be a good girlfriend and all and make sure he was doing
ok. So I get there, and he seems happy enough to see me, but as soon as we get up
to his room his face goes blank and he just stares at the wall.
Now he sat like that for a while. When I say a while, I mean
a he sat for a good 15-20 minutes staring at that wall, like it held the key to
the universe and the meaning of life itself. After a while, I began to get
concerned, so I asked what was wrong.
It was at this point that ALL HELL BROKE LOSE.
LIKE, I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING. THE FLOOR OPENED UP AND THE
FLAMES FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL GENTLY CARESSED THE BOTTOMS OF MY DELICATE HUMAN
FEET… or something of the sort.
He started going on about how he doesn’t seem to find me
attractive, (that’s not what his penis seems to think, amiright?) and he
basically just shit on our entire relationship. I was this close to tears, but
like fuck I must love this kid, because even when I was at the point where I
hit my emotional wall, (there will soon be a blog explaining that reference)
all I cared about was making sure HE was ok. Making sure that even if we did
break up, that he would know that I would always love and be there for him no
matter how much pain I was going through. Yet again, fuck I should’ve been born
male.
It was at this point where he looked at me, right in the
eyes and he started to cry. Not like the embarrassing crocodile tears, but the
kind that feels like someone stabbed you in the stomach and then twisted the
blade and pulled it out to let all your soft vulnerable internal organs have
spilled out and you sit there, bleeding out and gasping for air, knowing that
at any second you’re going to blank out and that’s it. You’re done. It’s that
heart/gut wrenching kinda half crying that makes you feel like the shittiest
person on the planet. Like you just murdered a billion puppies with your bare
hands. Not a fun feeling, to say the least.
Any who, back to the story.
So I hugged him and he cried, and I started to cry cuz I’m a wimpy ass,
but don’t tell him that because I don’t think he noticed. Then, of course,
because the world just fucking hates me, my mom shows up to pick me up, and
that was it.
So that was the first event that happened in the past while.
The following weekend I had a lovely dinner with him and his
parents and grandparents, and life was simple and good.
OH RIGHT AND IT WAS ALSO HALLOWEEN WHICH IS THE BEST FUCKING
HOLIDAY ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.
I came to the sad conclusion that day, that I own more
clothing that can be turned into a costume of an old dead man (Beetle Juice)
than I do to be a Disney Princess, so that was cool.
The following week was fairly uneventful, I didn’t really
see him that much, but ever since his license had been revoked he’d been
missing on average 2 days of school per week, so I came to terms with that.
Then, I got a needle stuck in my knee.
Yes, please go back and read that sentence one more time. I
got a SEWING NEEDLE stuck in my goddamn knee. Who the fuck does that kinda
stuff? To be clear, I had previously stuck said needle into the cushion of the
bench in my room, and unknowingly I knelt on it the following day to get a book
of a shelf and low and behold, I hobbled away from that experience with a
string and the eye of the needle, which had broken off the rest of the needle,
embedded in my knee.
Now one hospital trip, 2 ultra sounds, an x-ray, knee
freezing and 3 stitches later, the string had been ripped out of my knee (it
hurt so much I screamed) but I still had a fragment of the needle embedded in
my knee. In all honesty I still have part of it in there, and I’ve now been
told that I will need to be knocked out and operated on in order for it to be
removed, and in the process I will have to miss another day of school.
Fucking awesome, am I right? Like, who does that? Seriously.
It wasn’t even like a heroin needle that had been stabbed into my knee when I
was defending some poor orphans from a homeless drug addict. Worst story ever.
So that’s pretty much it. I got a new pair of heels that I’m
completely in love with, and yet I’m too much of a cripple to wear them out.
Sucks. Oh, and I’m not doing so well in my classes, but that’s because I’ve
been a lazy bastard. Gotta buckle down
and continue to work hard.
Sorry again for leaving you guys hanging by a thread there
(haha, see what I did there? Needle and thread? Hahaha, I’m so not funny.) but
in all seriousness, I love you and I will get back to posting more. I love you,
and have a safe rest of the weekend J
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