Gender Bender

This is going to be a bit of a rant so bare with me.

Ok, so generally through out my life I figured the world was mature enough and advanced enough to eliminate the lines drawn between men and women.

My Grandpa adored history, so naturally so did I. Ever since I was a very young child I was immersed in books and other forms of media depicting the lives of girls in the different eras of the world, different places and time periods. I understood that girls used to be viewed as inferiors. We are physically the weaker sex. It's no ones fault, it's just the truth. We used to be seen as child bearing sub humans who would cook and clean and do as told or directed to do.

So generally, I figured that since my mom had a well paying job and wasn't bare footed and pregnant in the kitchen our society had progressed past the notion that women have brains and boobs.

I mean, I genuinely thought that until recently. Boy was I wrong.

So recently (or well, not so recently, but more recently than most things) I was hired as a lifeguard and swim instructor at one of my local pools. My job is awesome, and I simply adore it, and MOST of the people I work with.

Often enough people compliment me on my ability to work with kids, and teach them. I pride myself in being able to (for the most part) communicate with kids and get them to listen to me.

That was, until I started working for this lovely supervisor.

I mean, I get it. He works two jobs, has a long term relationship with a lovely girl, and just wants everything to run smoothly. He's probably under a lot of stress and pressure.

That said, it is not an excuse to chew our your coworkers just because you're in charge.

This man always seems to have something to criticize. There is no pleasing him. He expects us to read his mind and totally agree with him 100% of the time.

News flash honey, that's not how society works.

I mean, I see it as rather unfortunate for him that he can't control his emotions and anger, because that's something you really need to work on. What really drives me up the wall is that he targets the younger lifeguards and especially the female ones.

Like, seriously. He has told me off a couple times for doing something THE RIGHT WAY. I just don't get it. What kind of twisted brain do you have to have in order to believe that women are below you? Without your mother you wouldn't be on this planet. She carried you for 9 months, gave up her banging body to nurture you and let you grow inside her feeding off her life source and energy. She went through the pain, the bloating, the excruciating pain of your birth just to set aside at least 18 years of her life to look after you and raise you, yet you don't show respect for her gender?

The more I think about it, the angrier I get and the more I can draw parallels to my other job. For those of you who don't know I was also a Tae Kwon Do instructor for 4-5 years before I became a swim instructor.

Now most people consider martial arts as boy sports. I really disagree with that and urge everyone to at least try one form of martial arts because they really are amazing and it doesn't hurt to know how to defend yourself. Anyways, when I used to work there my master would always favour the boys over me. I used to think that this was because they were older and more experienced, but as I grew up and gained the age and experience they had I realized that it was simply because they were "stronger" than me.

It's so stupid to think all of this and I really wish we lived in a world where everyone was created equal and had the same opportunities as everyone else.

But what can you do, the world is far from perfect.

Anywhore, that's my two cents about the subject. Feel free to state your opinion, and till next time my internet hipsters!

Rage&Love

-Caitlin
xoxo

Relationships in general

Hello my internet hipsters,

I'm so incredibly sorry about being away for so long. It was at that point where I had gotten into the boring lull of life and was going through the motions. I wasn't motivated to do anything and it was miserable. I didn't feel emotions, I didn't do anything and I sure as hell didn't have anything interesting to blog about.

Well, has that sure changed.

Over my period of social and emotional recluse, I discovered that no friendship is perfect. Sure, at the beginning when you connect to someone, you have the same interests and hobbies and opinions all is fine and dandy. They're your best friend, everything is perfect!

Then suddenly you hit a rough spot. That little quirk that they have that at first you thought was cute starts to get repetitive. Every time they do it you notice it again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again until you SNAP.

You've had enough! that stupid joke about the file in the soup was only vaguely funny the first million times they repeated it to you and you can't stand to hear about their stupid hamster one more time.

You fight. You ignore each other. You yell and scream and kick and fight.

Dont deny it, you totally know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

Then after the heat of the moment you kind of regret it. You'll be doing something and think of something that you know that person would find hilarious but that person isn't beside you anymore. That makes you sad. Then a part of you tells you to toughen up. You don't need that person to be happy! You were probably a strong independent sassy black woman in another life who don't need no one. You can look after yourself, you're the only person you can trust to always have your back because it's kinda...attached to you.

Taking a step back, I realize that friendships, just like any relationship, are really hard. In reality, fighting with a good friend is even worse than fighting with a boyfriend/girlfriend because you don't really make up. There's no passionate makeup sex with a friend, you can't violently kiss or grind on said friend to get your anger out.

I mean, if that's something you guys do don't get me wrong but that's cool. In general my friends don't really like making out with me...

Regardless, when you fight with your friends, theres no real closure. All the anger and emotion from that fight, especially if you have classes with said person, gets forced down because you have to be mature and get through life.

Maybe all of this is why I've been pulling myself away from people who try and get to know me. Through out my life I've been friends with people who have gotten to know me and then left, never to be heard from again. It's truly heart breaking, trying to explain to a child that "your friend Jill doesn't want to talk to you anymore because she has friends who are cooler or better".

That's why I've decided to start opening myself up more to people. I've come to the exhilarating conclusion that just because you cry sometimes, or show some form of emotion, it doesn't make you weak. Not in any way shape or form. There's no point keeping all these emotions cooped up inside. They just make me too overwhelmed to be of any use in society.

Life is a long and winding road, one which I can't even begin to conquer without some help from my friends and family.

Hopefully my little internet hipsters, I'll be able to make it through all this nonsense. thankfully I know I always have you, whoever you are, to vent to and listen to my feelings. This blog has really helped me so much and I plan to be more active on it from now on out.

I love you my darlings, and I wouldn't be here without you.

xoxo

Caitlin