Relationships in general

Hello my internet hipsters,

I'm so incredibly sorry about being away for so long. It was at that point where I had gotten into the boring lull of life and was going through the motions. I wasn't motivated to do anything and it was miserable. I didn't feel emotions, I didn't do anything and I sure as hell didn't have anything interesting to blog about.

Well, has that sure changed.

Over my period of social and emotional recluse, I discovered that no friendship is perfect. Sure, at the beginning when you connect to someone, you have the same interests and hobbies and opinions all is fine and dandy. They're your best friend, everything is perfect!

Then suddenly you hit a rough spot. That little quirk that they have that at first you thought was cute starts to get repetitive. Every time they do it you notice it again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again until you SNAP.

You've had enough! that stupid joke about the file in the soup was only vaguely funny the first million times they repeated it to you and you can't stand to hear about their stupid hamster one more time.

You fight. You ignore each other. You yell and scream and kick and fight.

Dont deny it, you totally know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

Then after the heat of the moment you kind of regret it. You'll be doing something and think of something that you know that person would find hilarious but that person isn't beside you anymore. That makes you sad. Then a part of you tells you to toughen up. You don't need that person to be happy! You were probably a strong independent sassy black woman in another life who don't need no one. You can look after yourself, you're the only person you can trust to always have your back because it's kinda...attached to you.

Taking a step back, I realize that friendships, just like any relationship, are really hard. In reality, fighting with a good friend is even worse than fighting with a boyfriend/girlfriend because you don't really make up. There's no passionate makeup sex with a friend, you can't violently kiss or grind on said friend to get your anger out.

I mean, if that's something you guys do don't get me wrong but that's cool. In general my friends don't really like making out with me...

Regardless, when you fight with your friends, theres no real closure. All the anger and emotion from that fight, especially if you have classes with said person, gets forced down because you have to be mature and get through life.

Maybe all of this is why I've been pulling myself away from people who try and get to know me. Through out my life I've been friends with people who have gotten to know me and then left, never to be heard from again. It's truly heart breaking, trying to explain to a child that "your friend Jill doesn't want to talk to you anymore because she has friends who are cooler or better".

That's why I've decided to start opening myself up more to people. I've come to the exhilarating conclusion that just because you cry sometimes, or show some form of emotion, it doesn't make you weak. Not in any way shape or form. There's no point keeping all these emotions cooped up inside. They just make me too overwhelmed to be of any use in society.

Life is a long and winding road, one which I can't even begin to conquer without some help from my friends and family.

Hopefully my little internet hipsters, I'll be able to make it through all this nonsense. thankfully I know I always have you, whoever you are, to vent to and listen to my feelings. This blog has really helped me so much and I plan to be more active on it from now on out.

I love you my darlings, and I wouldn't be here without you.

xoxo

Caitlin