Amazingly Depressing Day

"You fall in love like you fall asleep, slowly, then all at once."

Hello my lovelies,

So today I finished the most amazingly beautiful horrifyingly sad book I think I’ve read in my short existence on this earth. That book is “The Fault in our Stars” by the lovely man known as John Green.

I literally sat down with half the book left, and cried until the end. This book made me CRY. It is so beautifully written and yet so sad and dark at the same time. You feel like you’re reading someone most intimate thoughts, treading upon sacred ground that no one should set foot on. It is raw, unedited emotion, speaking of love and death.

Now, I’m not going to spoil it for anyone, but I sincerely believe that they should use this book in schools. It has ALL the feels in it and I believe everyone can truly relate to it somehow.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I cried about this book. I cried the entire second half of it, then I went and took a shower and cried in the shower for a while.

Now there has to be something symbolic about a girl standing in the shower, bawling her eyes out and just letting the water fall endlessly over herself, allowing it to gently caress her face and wash the tears away. I stood there for quite a while, letting the tears roll down my cheeks, contemplating life and death in this world.

I haven’t done this since the day it  hit me that my grandpa was dead. Sometimes it just feels good to let the tears flow, because you’re too numb to do anything else. It’s one of those moments where it’s as if the brick wall of reality hits you and knocks you down, hard.

It’s one of those times, where you don’t want anyone’s sympathy. Sure it really does suck, but some nameless person telling you they’re sorry really doesn’t help. Like, you had no part in the cause of my pain, why are you of all people saying sorry? Sometimes, all you need to do is cry, and cry until you can’t cry anymore, then cry a bit more for good measure.

That’s one of the main reasons I hate wakes. A wake generally takes place in funeral home, which is one of the most sickening places on the earth. Think about it, they make a profit off people dying and their loved ones mourning.

In any case, a wake is when the dead person is stuffed with sawdust and made to look all nice, then shoved in a coffin and put on display.  Then the poor family of the diseased has to stand around in uncomfortable clothing, while trying not to cry and thanking people for coming to pay their respects to the dead person. It’s all very sad and a horribly depressing environment to be in.

In any case, the book is beautifully written, a real diamond in the rough in literature these days.

Later my internet hipsters, I love you <3