Have you ever stopped and thought about what people thought about you? Being a girl of the teenage variety, I've stopped to consider this an alarming amount of times during my short existence on this earth. It's kind of sad, if you really think about it. People my age are so quick to judge people who are different, or who enjoy doing things their own way.
I've felt it a lot these past couple of days. People looking at you for that extra fraction of a second, and they know that you know that they're judging you because you dress differently, or decide to act or do things your own way.
I'll be the first to admit it, I'm not normal. I don't really care about brand names, or what's in fashion, I just like what I like, and so I wear it. I don't really give it a second thought, until someone points something out and then I start over thinking it and it becomes a slight obsession. It's a complex, or at least that's what I tell myself, haha......
I mean, I was never really bullied in school. I was never popular either, i was always the "weird one". People just kinda left me to my own devices. I never really had an identity crisis, that is till recently. Even now, I have a very general impression of who I am, and it's never really changed.
That's cool, I guess. Knowing who I am has helped me in the past, either that or I was REALLY not popular. I've been able to stay true to myself and not drink or do drugs, which is cool. I haven't been peer pressured into anything, except maybe coming to school in retarded costumes, but that never hurt anyone.
Truth be told, I don't think ANYONE can really deal with me for long periods of time. I think that's my one fatal flaw. I really do believe I'll end up being forever alone. I think the worst part is that when someone who isn't totally fucked up decides to hang around with me I instantly believe they're doing it out of sympathy, or they're REALLY stupid. Like, you're normal, what the hell are you doing hanging around me?
Maybe that's where my irrational fear of commitment comes from. I mean, I adore the idea of a longterm relationship, but fuck, I feel like I'd never be able to entertain another person for that long! I'm at the point where I'm beginning to bore myself, and I haven't even been with myself for 20 years!
I live a sad existence, but hey at least I can eat cake with no regrets!
At least I have you, internet hipsters <3
ttyl! xoxo
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