Worry Rock

“Oh god its time, I gotta say goodbye I gotta say goodbye now I gotta say goodbye I’m gonna go home and get on my big wheel gonna get on my big wheel now I’m gonna get on my bicycle no I’m gonna get on my scooter no my scooter no I’m gonna get on my bicycle I’m gonna get on my tonka truck I’m gonna get on my tonka truck I’m gonna take it I’m gonna go down the strip, smash it up against the window I’m gonna smash it up against the window yeah I am I’m gonna go smash it up against one because I got a pet rock I got a pet rock I got a pet rock! Got a pet rock too I got a pet rock that’s really cool its more like its like its like a its like a worry stone it’s a worry stone you take it you worry you worry you worry you worry you rub it you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry you worry SHIT.” –Billie Joe Armstrong

And that pretty much sums up my brain right about now. I don’t wanna grow up, I don’t wanna make decisions, I just want to be able to goof off and have fun for a bit. Wouldn’t it be great if we just had a sort of remote for life? We’d be able to pause, fast forward, rewind, and just stop life at will. Just, “ I don’t really feel like dealing with this right now, let’s rewind to summer for a bit.” Or “Y’know, I’m not really digging what’s on this channel anymore, lets change it to something more exciting like MTV or something calmer like the Fireplace Channel.” That would be great.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that you basically have to spell out everything for everybody on this bloody planet in order to get what you want. You also need to know all the right questions, and when to ask them. It’s all a big cluster fuck, and now I remember why I don’t seek out social interaction. I should just listen to myself, I’m actually fairly brilliant when it comes to avoiding that stuff. It’s a gift, and a curse.

On the topic of the dreaded social interaction, I feel the need to share my experience with boys. Alrighty girlies, pull up a chair and prepare yourself for the worst. Boys, take out a pen and paper and write down “WHAT NOT TO DO” as your title. I’m expecting a full report, 1000 words minimum on my desk next Thursday, and there will be a quiz sometime next week.

Alrighty, so first off there was this guy, let’s call him creepymiccreeppants. No? Hmmmm. Alright, fine. How about Newfie. Alrighty, so I knew Newfie from doing Taekwondo with him for a couple years, and he was fairly funny, and I enjoyed spending time with him. He wasn’t like some greek god or anything, but he was nice to me and made me laugh so of course, I developed a small crush on him. As time generally does, it continued ticking, and poor little Newfie was kicked out of Taekwondo and went on to sell drugs and nearly go to jail and flunk his grade 9 year. Doesn’t he sound like quite a catch? Oh but wait, it gets even better. So this kid, because that’s all he really was, decides one day that he needs a girlfriend, and he picks one of my best friends as his target. Of course being young and naïve, I was slightly jealous, because I had liked him, and he paid me no notice. He tried to win her over, and claimed she was the love of his life, blah blah blah. Its kind of sickening, thinking back.

So once she turned him down and “crushed his heart” (as much as physically possible when you’re in grade 8 and 9) he came crawling back to me and tried to get me to help nurse his broken heart. Of course me being the next Mother Teresa or some shit, agreed and told him I had liked him to make him feel like less of the piece of shit he really is.

BIGGEST MISTAKE I’VE EVER MADE. Of course being the young, depressed lover boy he is, he asks me out. I’m all gungho because someone of the male variety actually likes me and I foolishly say yes. We dated for a week, then he broke up with me. Then we did it again, and he broke up with me. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. We went through that cycle three times before I finally told him I didn’t want to get back together and he called me a cunt and disappeared.

Or so I thought. Until he came back the following year, trying that shit all over again. I was with another guy at the time, and was able to turn him down, but I didn’t escape the name-calling. And then the next year it happened, AGAIN. He claimed I had broken him, and I was his one true love, and he couldn’t get over me, even though he had dated another girl and might’ve gotten her preggers. This was in grade 10, mind you. And guess what, it happened YET AGAIN in grade 11, and it turns out he got kicked out of his school and was living on the streets and in shelters for a while. He then proceeded to blame me for his situation. I’m sorry, but that is just crossing the line. So after I stood my ground he swore me out and left.

What are we at, 3 years so far? And so now, just recently he drunkenly messages me talking about how I never cared about him. Excuse me, but I’ve put up with him for 4 FUCKING YEARS. Do I win some kind of award for that? I should, because I haven’t killed him yet. 

So what have we learned ladies? Drug dealing, pot smoking bad boys are NOT attractive, and they can become like some sort of annoying bug.

Anyways, that’s enough rambling from me for now! If you enjoy this sort of thing, don’t you fret my dear! I have many, many more horrible boy stories where that came from.

Later my internet hipsters,

xoxo